Manila is big, let alone the entire country (Philippines) with more than 7,100 islands. Living in the metro has its merits. With larger labor markets, the percentage of landing a job suited to one’s skills is higher. People can pursue careers that are not offered in small towns or small cities.
As a small town girl, I needed change a few years ago. My daily routine, the people I socialize with and the place I was in became a little too comfortable. I was becoming mediocre. I feared that the fire I have in me will eventually extinguish if I continuously let myself drown to the comforts of my hometown. One day, I packed my bags and decided to move to the big city. I took the plunge. Knowing myself, I knew I could easily adapt to the pace of life in the metro. I embraced the change and immersed myself to my new home.
I have been residing in the metro for a few years now and while I took advantage of the opportunities it offered, it had not been the kind of home I prayed it would be, so time and time again, I go back to the place where I almost entirely lost myself-Ilocos Norte; where I was to drown but remained afloat because of the impassioned nurturing from family and friends over the years.
Whenever I’m in Ilocos Norte, a sense of peace and contentment awash my being. It is home and it will always be. So here’s a short clip of the wind turbines (mulino) and some words I’ve put together in Filipino from my previous trip to my hometown.
It frightens me to hear your rage in spaces, see anguish in your words and feel your desperation in every turn of the page. Still, you write letters and words. Never ending. Not giving a care in the world. Oblivious to the breaking of my spirit. And I fear, with my troubled soul and unsettled mind, a fiend awakens. Losing myself. And when the day comes that my gaze locks with that of the girl in the mirror, I will know. Never will I get a glimpse of her- the girl who was once myself.